Navigating through polarities
All phenomenon in life have a cyclical quality. Nothing is permanent, everything comes and goes. Your ability to let things be part of this natural waves will determine your ability to grow. Growing is a process of expansion not just a process of transformation. You are truly growing from the moment you stretch your life in different directions. You are not just becoming a different entity, you are integrating a new you into the old you. This old you is perpetuated by inertia. It is the ensemble of experiences you have gathered along your path which resonates in you moments after moments. It is characterized by the need for a structured routine and the desire to repeat known experiences. The new you is characterized by a sense of adventure and creativity. It is the self that craves more and is willing to take risks. The back and forth between those polarities creates the music of your life. It is defined by the diversity of experiences you have had and is unique to you. It doesn’t matter if those experiences were rightful or wrongful, in fact it matters that it was both. Whatever your belief systems makes you think “right” or “wrong” is, your ability to create right from wrong (faith) and wrong from right (creativity) defines your life path. In the same way you can only define something in comparison to another, you define your future in comparison to your past. You must consider this old you and honor it for it is only by being loyal to your old you that you can coherently integrate the new you. It’s like building a new floor to your house. You can’t take the material from the previous floor or the new one will fall down and you will have to re-build the ground floor all over again. You have to let the old you, your foundations, exist and even reinforce them so your new you can emerge more distinctively and purposefully. This new you will then become part of the foundations and progressively become your old you which will then define the uniqueness of your new you. We can say that the experience itself doesn’t matter, it is the transition between experiences that matters. It reveals your direction, your flow, the melody of your life.
Growing your own flow
This process of ingesting a new version of your self by coming back “home” to your old habits is as important as having a good night sleep after a long busy day. It creates the spectrum along which you navigate during your day, your week, your year, your life. The wider the polarity, the more your life stretches and expands over the possibilities. The more it expands, the more material you have to situate yourself in comparison to various references, to find where your heart is at, to find meaning and purpose. You have to let yourself become purposeless in order to find the purpose. To flow in life means to act with purpose when you find purpose and to rest in your habits when you feel tired or aimless. Your ability to become fluent in both practices, meaning to adapt your mindset to your level of experience, to take when life gives and to give when life takes will open the doors you want to open. None of the doors can be opened by you, the same way you cannot change yourself, you can only let life change you. It’s a retro-active process called ontological design. The potential of life making you grow can only happen if each step is fully taken one after the other. Religion teaches this as the “path to wisdom” or “path to enlightenment”. The rhythm at which those steps are to be taken is unique to you and cannot be decided by anyone else.
Standing up for yourself
When society teaches you to be a human being, you rely on it to find the rhythm. Society teaches you when to wake-up, when to go to work, when to go to sleep, when to marry, when to have children, when to retire and in many ways when to die. This serves as a point of reference for you to attain your own rhythm. But your life will feel unfulfilling as long as you are unintentionally riding someone else’s flow. You can feel when you are not following your own rhythm because your body gets tired or weakened, your emotions adopt a darker polarity and your thoughts become more negative. Coherently with the cyclical aspect of everything, this is followed by a period of new creative experiences born from your ability to feel hurt and unfulfilled. If you skip or try to ignore this human experience of feeling unsatisfied, sad, depressed, tired or confused you will miss the fuel that is needed to feel good again, to grow, to stretch your life across the spectrum. But life is not about being happy, or being productive or rightful either. It’s about embodying all the feelings when they come up, it’s about being who you are supposed to be when life compels you to be. To find your rhythm is the single most important thing to do in your life. In that effort, it is crucial to doubt and be confused regularly. A lot of what the system does to us is trying to numb those feelings by replacing them with mindless passive activities, screen time, junk food, consumerism, etc… It narrows down the amplitude/intensity of your life experience in order to keep you from outgrowing the system. In its mechanical condition, the system fears that if you become free you won’t want to perpetuate it and you will fight against it. It is true in the sense that you will want to change it, but it is wrong in the sense that the system’s growth and your own growth will remain symbiotic. Very much like your old you and your new you, both are crucial. But the system is a machine. It has been designed like a tool to be reliably protecting us against the uncertainties of Nature and cannot afford unpredictability. It needs us to work reliably too in order to maintain its own reliability. As a machine, it needs us to be machines with locked routines. It creates a global rhythm of society (aka consensus reality) in which those who follow its rhythm are rewarded, those who don’t are punished. You can observe this at a very young age with the educational system. The system (aka the Matrix) has put in place TREMENDOUS means on a very wide range of modalities to keep us sustaining its clockwork rhythm. You cannot perceive its potency as long as you do not challenge it. When you do, whether it’s by accident or by intention, you will feel emotional friction and unpleasantness in many shapes and forms. That’s the moment when the system takes over and proposes you alternatives to divert your attention from its deficiency. It will quite literally try to anesthetize your discomfort to make you forget. But your ability to pursue the meaning of this discomfort, not to ignore it or make it quiet through mind-numbing activities but to express it and make it your reality despite what your job or your community wants from you, will fuel your new elevated self. This involves courage to stand up against any form of peer or self pressure and to face the haunting void of uncertainty, to walk where others aren’t walking, to doubt, defy and protest for your right to be your own individual. This is the meaning of being an adult. To find your own compass and give it space to grow in you and not let the rigid rules of society stamp on it. This kind of courage can only exist after you have stepped through complete vulnerability and humility, once you have fully embodied your total absence of self and powerlessness to become a free individual by yourself. Then when all your defense mechanisms are truly honestly down, your ears open and you learn through the language of love, meaning that your learn through the mind and the body. The energy is full, focused and purposeful.
Making the leap
This surrender to step into the void and letting life lead you as opposed to leading life will make you feel deeper emotions than what your everyday life gives you. If you let them live long enough, those emotions will give birth to new ideas, new perspectives, new ambitions. This is what art and artists do, they live in margin of society in order to reveal its limiting frame. They are the disruptive forces that compel you to find back your own agency under the thousands of layers of systemic conditioning accumulated over the years that rule your day. They make room for infinitely greater experiences than what the mechanicalness of the system can offer you. They make room for you to find your own self, your own rhythm. So resist conformity and be wrongful, be naked, break your mold, dare to do your own thing and be a warrior about it. Slow down, take a walk, be as unproductive as you can, play, be weird, disrupt, laugh loud, cry hard.
Note to self-12/11/2019